I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
