I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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