Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
foreskin is a definite game changer
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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