Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
