Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
