I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
