I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
