I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
