i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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