Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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