So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
