good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
