weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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