Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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