He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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