***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
