Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
