I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
