just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
