Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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