Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
