I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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