pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
