So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
