I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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