So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
