After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
