is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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