I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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