How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
3 2 1 whiskey
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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