So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
