dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
