I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
