We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
