my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cat gives me a boner
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
