IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
