Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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