God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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