I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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