having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
