He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
