Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
