I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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