if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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