So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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