Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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