I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
