my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
