dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
