WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
